2020 was the year, I had plans, made plans, hoped and had faith that it was going to be an amazing Year, 2019 was a good one, so I knew or rather expected 2020 to be better. Why was I this hopefully? you may ask, thing is, I had laid my foundation in 2019, it was like preparing for 2020, mentally I was in a better place, I had already started a new job in October 2019 and so far it was amazing, I had moved to a new house and area, my relationship was okay, I had a beautiful chic that I was seeing at that time, she was amazing, every time she would smile my heart would stop for a moment ahh I will really miss her anyway moving on I had read a lot of books, met a lot of people and really learnt a lot.
A blooming rose bush catches the eye of admirers, but it grew from a seed buried in dirt.
A butterfly may be free and delicately beautiful, but it spent days shedding skin and dramatically changing inside its chrysalis so it could grow wings to fly.
Accept your process.”
― Kristin Michelle Elizabeth
My plan in 2020 was to actualize all that, first of all I was hoping to settle, you know, introduce the lady to my folks and all that, start investing seriously, our chamaa had also picked up, I was still working out in the gym like nobody’s business, I also hoped to build a ka nice small house upcountry, you know a nice holiday get away, so January and February all went according to plan.
I don’t remember well when everything started going sideways surely you plan but God plans, it must have been late March, I broke up with the lady, I had not even taken stock of all of that then Out of nowhere Covid came.
“I’ve adopted the mindset that people, girlfriends especially, will come into your life at a certain time and will have some kind of butterfly effect on you. Inevitably there WILL be something you do because of them that changes the course of your life. And there’s also a time when they’re meant to leave, and that may also be a factor that leads your life in a certain direction. It’s up to you to decide what direction and what kind of impact they have…
With Covid that meant a lot of my plans had to be on hold, I think I am not the only one, many people had to put on hold their plans, and its like we had left the government to control us, and decide the directions of our lives from henceforth, anyway let me not start with the government because that will lead to a whole other tirade of vents that I honestly don’t have the energy for, anyway as I was saying everything was on hold, we were given a pay cut at work, that even complicated things, with the curfew and uncertainties all I had to do was sit at home, watch movies and read books, I still continued to work at home which was not easy.
Then as we were getting accustomed to the Covid thingy, our company decided to shut down, being the HR that means I was involved in the process from when this was announced to finalizing it. Let me tell you Maina (I have always wanted to use that hehe) this whole process was something else, let me take you back a bit, most of the guys who worked for this companies had worked for more than 10 years, other even 20 Years, most of them were very comfortable, majority of them were employed just after leaving secondary school, and because of the comfort the job offered they never got around to develop themselves in terms of more trainings, school etc. So when it dawned on them that the company was closing, most of them panicked and were depressed, for me this was the saddest and most stressful and challenging time in my career, we had to counsel a lot of people, at some point I even received death threats, some guy thought I was the one who was holding their terminal dues, anyway story for another day, the point is it was so stressful but we managed to pull through and pay people their dues.
At the back of my mind the question was will I get another job, I am a confident and optimistic guy and I always somehow get opportunities, but the only problem was that this was during the Covid period where business were closing down, companies sending their employees on unpaid leave. So, my prospects seemed less and less the more I thought about it.
When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that last blow that did it—but all that had gone before
Anyway, Guy’s I think by now the article is sounding a bit sad, there were some positives too, you know- a lot actually, if anything I would say 2020 was that year that really made me think a lot about life, “There are certain life lessons that you can only learn in the struggle.
I realized that I was living way above my means, I started having conversation in my head about finances and asking myself why I was paying a lot of rent, so that made me decide to move to a smaller and cheaper house, oh I may have not mentioned it, while our company closed I got another job with another company, I think that was really a blessing.
I stopped eating in the kibanda, I think my appetite was up the roof and the kibanda food was not satisfying it, I did what I never thought I would , a whole me started carrying packed lunch to work !! at first it was not easy, as I would eat all the food by 10.00 AM, to solve that issue I decided to be carrying to lunch boxes, the other day I was asking my friend is it possible for a human being to have 2 stomachs like a cow, because for someone with one stomach I was eating a lot, well he told me I was pregnant, funny friends I have ehhh…
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
― Roy T. Bennett
I also continued working out at the gym, I had never been consistent, but now I was working out almost daily, I am now bench pressing 75 kgs with no support whatsoever and the other day I deadlifted 160kgs, tebu clap for me, a huge benefit of working out has nothing to do with losing fat or gaining muscles, it’s that it allows your mind to rest. I always think better thoughts after I have had a good work out, it also shifts my mindset into attack mode and this paradigm shifts into other aspects of my life.
I also turned 30 wooh!! let me tell you turning 30 I unlocked a wonderful unbothered level of self-confidence, I wish someone told me before that this is how it feels turning 30 , yaani my confidence, self-awareness is on another level, I am more in tune with who I am, I have accepted who I am, I am literally doing me, I don’t really care about pleasing people like before by the way you can never please everyone so don’t even try, if you lie down for people to walk on your back, someone will still complain that your back is not straight enough, think good, do good. Follow your heart.
“Try not to be too focused on pleasing others and end up losing your true self.”
― Edmond Mbiaka
“If you find yourself craving approval, you are low on self-love. Stop grasping for a few scraps wherever you can. Go home and make yourself a feast. Love yourself deeply today.”
― Vironika Tugaleva
I am also cutting people who have negative energy so faster, its also funny how I am able to nowadays recognize negative toxic people, this are people who are always negative, always playing the victim, complaining all the time aaai !!! me I don’t want that energy around me, the world is a tough place but it does help to be optimistic rather than negative all the time
“Don’t let toxic people sabotage your happiness, ruin your positive attitude, contaminate your mind or destroy your self-confidence. Instead, surround yourself with generous, positive, and nurturing people who will lift you up.”
― Farshad Asl
“Keep negative people in your prayers, not in your life.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo
Lastly, I will finish by habits, so I am currently reading this book by James Clear called Atomic Habit, I think everyone should read this book because it’s a life changer, I am now trying to form or create better habits going forward and I am positive that this will continue transforming to a better person.
Let me pen off with this paragraph from the book…. If you want to predict where you’ll end up in life, all you have to do is follow the curve of tiny gains or tiny losses, and see how your daily choices will compound ten or twenty years down the line. Are you spending less than you earn each month? Are you making it into the gym each week? Are you reading books and learning something new each day? Tiny battles like these are the ones that will define your future self.
Now am seated at this balcony writing this article, am having coffee and listening to Ferre gola eeish !! that guy can sing, I am thinking about life, I am thinking about how as much as we can plan and prepare for it, it just turns out the way it wants, maybe we shouldn’t overthink, we should just live and let live you know, just enjoy the process, it’s not a competition.
Biko Zulu said “The trick to running, like life, is to trudge along, one step at a time. Don’t think of it in terms of kilometers, but in little milestones; that corner coming ahead, that little uphill stretch ahead, that big tree ahead. There is great joy in fulfilling the small target” and I concur….